Below are graphic summaries of some of the recent programs offered by NBC/KSL-TV and a list of the local and national advertisers who support the programs. These logs are prepared and submitted by CleanTV America volunteers and are emailed on a daily basis to all local KSL-TV advertisers, owners, and managers.

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The summaries are factual and accurate descriptions of the content of the programs. The report includes exact and explicit dialogue. Most of you will be shocked and offended by this dialogue and descriptions of the content.

Our intent is not to offend, but to provide factual information so you can make intelligent decisions. We are as disturbed as you by the content, which is the point of this website. Please don't read this report if you feel you will be unduly disturbed.

However, if what you learn troubles you as much as it does us, and you wish to express your desire to see positive change, use our Action Now automated email technology to send letters of concern to NBC/KSL-TV Executives and NBC/KSL-TV Local Advertisers.

If you would like to call KSL to express your concern here's the number:
1-801-575-5555. Ask for Bruce Reese or Bruce Christensen.


WARNING!!     WARNING!!      WARNING!!      WARNING!!

Friends (7:00 PM)

Baby's Birthday Cake Decorated with Penis with Baby's Face on Penis

On Emma's first birthday, Rachel convinces Monica and Chandler to delay their long-anticipated trip to Vermont to stay for the party but complications ensue when the infant falls asleep and an X-rated birthday cake arrives.

Chandler and Monica were going to Vermont to trying out a new sex technique they learned from male porn magazine Maxim.

At the birthday party, Lisa Kudrow reads the baby a story from "Sex and the Single Mother -- Finding Your G-Spot (an erotic zone in the vagina). When the birthday cake arrives they discover that the bakery put the baby's face on a penis. "They put my baby's face on a penis" "Now it's a party!"

"Is it OK that I say it looks delicious." "The resemblance to a real penis looks uncanny."

Rachel calls bakery to re-order cake with nuts. "This one has nuts,." someone comments.

Joey goes into bathroom and sees Chandler urinating and comes out and says "That one definitely didn't have Emma's face on it."

They can't buy a new cake so " I made the penis into a bunny--turned the testicles into cheeks and split the penis into bunny ears."

"Hey, you made it look like a bunny, It looked more delicious to me when it was a penis."

The show ends with Lisa Kudrow saying, " Run you hairy bastard!"

Local Advertisers: KSL-News, Taco Bell, Meier & Frank

Conan

“Hey, Why Don’t We Give the Passion of the Christ Even More Publicity” Routine

God: So what’s this movie again?
Angel: It’s the Passion of the Christ, Mel Gibson sent it over.
God: Mel Gibson, cool. What’s it about?
Angel: It’s about Jesus.
God: Ah, even better. Roll it.
Angel: Right away sir. Oh, by the way. It has subtitles.
God: Ah, screw that. Put in Barbershop II, you little kiss ass. Move it!
(God swigs beer from bottle) “I hate my life!”

New Skit
Jesus to Apostles:
“Well, that was a very, very painful couple of days. So, if you’ll excuse me, up I go to that eternal paradise of heaven. It’s right up there. Watch me, here I go.”

Jesus lifts off ground and beings ascension

Apostle:
Have a good time Jesus.

Jesus passes through clouds
“Yep, right through these clouds here. I should be seeing an angel just about any minute now. “

Now Jesus in space
“OK, it’s getting a little chilly. Tough to breathe up here. “

Jesus passes by moon:
“Hello moon. Ok, what’s going on here?”

Jesus goes into tunnel with bright light:
“What is this place? Hello. At least it’s getting a little bit warm. That’s nice.”

Jesus goes deeper into tunnel
”OK. OK, now it’s getting a little too warm, too warm in here. Very warm…”

Singeing sound as Jesus is burned to crisp in tunnel.

Homosexual Andy Dick Interview
Dick referring to previous animal segment with animal with big tail:
“I have a tail I can show you… and that Black Momba (snake), I’ve got one of those hanging between my legs.”

Talks about his bottled water called “Dick (penis) Water.” “Dick Sauce” – referring to sperm.

“I had a female stalker. To get rid of her, I had sex with her. She went away.”

Dick claims that Spiderman actor Toby McGuire is stalking him. Person in Spiderman suit jumps on Dick’s shoulders and simulates having sex with Dick’s head for about 30 seconds.

“Black Momba, huh”

Andy Dick then drinks “Dick Sauce”

Local Advertisers:
KSL News, John Evans Attorney. John Paras Furniture, BYU Basketball, Qwest, Plaza Cycle (Yamaha), Amber Rock Beer, Ken Garff Auto, Jacoby & Meyers Law, Steadmans Recreation (Yamaha), KSL News. LaBlatts Blue Beer

Law & Order Special Victims Unit
A man convicted of raping his 11 year-old step son escapes from jail to prove his innocence. He is proven innocent when new DNA analysis of the sperm shows it was the boy’s male cousin who had consensual sex with the 11 year-old boy. The boy framed his stepfather because he felt neglected by his newly married mother.

The show had profane language, partial nudity, and showed sexual intercourse.

Profanity:
“These guys think with their peckers and all they want is a piece of ass.”

“You know how long it has been since I’ve had some ass?”

Nudity/Sex
Police break into an apartment and interrupt a couple in the middle of sexual intercourse. Both the man and woman are naked. The woman is mounted on top of the man obviously in the act of copulation. The man is a recently escaped convict. The police tell them to stop and the man says:

“You know how long it has been since I’ve had some ass?”

Violence
Large pools of blood depicting aftermath of violent scene.
Man shot through chest, very graphic.

If you are offended by what you just read, use our Action Now automated email technology to send letters of concern to NBC/KSL-TV Executives and NBC/KSL-TV Local Advertisers.

If you would like to call KSL to express your concern here's the number: 1-801-575-5555. Ask for Bruce Reese or Bruce Christensen.


Fear Factor (7:00)
Tonight was the final for “Fear Factor Couples.” In this final, three couples competed with each other in various “fearful” events to win $1 million. For most of the program, the women were gratuitously dressed in skimpy attire (bikinis, short shorts, tight bras, wet-tee-shirts, etc). There was plenty of gratuitous breast/nipple throughout the program.

Language throughout the show was trashy, i.e.: “bitch”, “pisses me off”, obvious “f” word bleeped out many times, “bad ass”, “what the hell.”

The final contest involved the skimpily clad women going into a clear casket-sized container. They were then covered with hundreds of giant spiders and crickets. The container was then locked. The object was to see how fast each boyfriend could free his woman. Before being given a saw with which to cut the container’s lock, each boyfriend had to transfer, with his mouth, liquefied grasshopper guts into a tube. The sequence was replete with breast and female crotch shots.

Commercials of note: The “Ax Effect” body spray showing two copulating frogs, two Miller beer ads (7:00 pm?), r-rated teen flick “Euro-Trip,” and breast jiggling promos for the next program “Las Vegas” (“stay tuned…the hottest place to be”).

Local Advertisers: KSL News, Gus Paulos Auto, Quiznos (with singing rats) and Mountain America Credit Union (multiple ads).


Las Vegas
If you thought the Super Bowl was offensive, “Las Vegas” was worse. It out-Super-Bowled the Super Bowl when it came to offensive programming and advertising.

The entire program was framed around a wet tee-shirt contest that was going on in the casino, the main set for the program. Show begins with women on stage strutting their breasts in skimpy bikinis. Man says, “Damn, they’re hot...” Woman pours water on glaring man’s shirt and says, “Now you know what it’s like to be in a wet tee-shirt contest.” Man point outs one of the women in the contest with extra large breasts. Woman tells man it is a “guy.” And if they hook up maybe they can have a “threesome” or a “foursome.”

Bad language throughout: “Hell yea, we’re going to party tonight!” “Pissing away trust fund.” “He pisses me off.”

In one scene a woman is talking about a man. She says the girls call him “Big Mac”, referring to his penis size. This then cuts to a near porno montage of bikini clad women ( tight on breast, crotches, etc.)

Back to wet tee-shirt contest. Security guard accused of not paying attention to duty. He says “I’m just resting my eyes.” Camera goes tight to female’s rear end which the man is obviously goggling.

Back to the wet tee-shirt contest. Wet shirts and nipples galore. Woman pours water over her shirt and camera goes tight on her breasts.

An attractive woman reveals to flirting man that she is a lesbian. Man tells her he is a lesbian trapped in a man’s body so it’s OK for them to get together.

More language: “Your ass is on the line.” “I put your ass on the line.” “What the hell happened to you?” “How in the hell did you get wet?” “What the hell is that?”

Woman goes into a voodoo shop to get a potion. Voodoo lady pulls out large dead rat and tells woman she must eat the rat. Woman eats rat (fortunately off camera). Scene transitions to tight shot of live rat at outdoor party.

At party man says “We’re going to mash your ass!” Party dance sequence reminiscent of Janet Jackson’s Super Bowl performance. Male mounts woman from back simulating copulation.

Cut to wet t-shirt contest with women’s chest being sprayed with water.

Back to dance floor where woman slithers down in front of male dance partner below his waist in simulation of oral sex.

Cut to wet tee-shirt contest with wet breast and protruding nipples.

Next scene is a masquerade party. Man points out woman to another woman. Woman says, “In Vegas, we call that a whore.”

Woman in bikini panties and bra walks into scene.

Comment “Life is a hell of a lot easier.”

Back to wet tee-shirt contest. Close.

Interesting advertisers reminiscent of Super Bowl. Cialis tablet for erectile dysfunction warning of four hour erection side effect. “When the moment is right, will you be ready.” Ad promoing “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” show and “Will and Grace,” a program broadcast by KSL that glamorizes the gay lifestyle. Ad for the r-rated movie “Twisted.”
Announcement that KSL-TV will broadcast on daily basis (3:00 pm) the Ellen Degeneres Talk Show. Degeneres is a funny lesbian activist.

Local Advertisers: Mountain America Credit Union, Cache Valley Cheese, KSL News, BYU Basketball, Wendy’s (Tremonton) Utah Toyota, McDonalds.


Special Victims Unit
A show about sex crimes against women and children.

A dead newborn baby is found in the sewer. The single mother is found dead in bed. She had been drugged (paralyzed but conscious) as the killer had sat on her chest and ripped the baby from her womb while she watched. He left her to bleed to death. Graphic video of dead woman in blood soaked bed. It was discovered that the man with whom she had a one night stand (a plastic surgeon) was the father and the victim threatened to expose him to his family. It was the doctor who killed her and the baby.

The same doctor was thought also to be a pedophile. Story of three 6 year old girls who he lured with candy, got them alone, put honey on his penis, had them lick it off, and then raped them. Showed scared little girls too traumatized to testify. The pedophile was actually the doctor’s patient. When the doctor volunteered to take a paternity test, he injected the blood of a patient into a plastic tube and put it into his arm and the DNA came back that the doctor was also a pedophile. The tube was discovered during a rather graphic autopsy of the doctor (he was killed by the real pedophile his patient).

Newly assigned female DA asks cops how they could deal, on a daily basis, with “all this sickness and perversion…sick, twisted details.” I asked myself the same question after watching this show.

If you are offended by what you just read, use our Action Now automated email technology to send letters of concern to NBC/KSL-TV Executives and NBC/KSL-TV Local Advertisers.

If you would like to call KSL to express your concern here's the number: 1-801-575-5555. Ask for Bruce Reese or Bruce Christensen.


Fear Factor (7:00 PM)
Show starts with lady in skimpy bikini put into a tank of water filled with a hundred snakes. Her hands and feet are bound with locked cuffs. Her task is to find the keys in the tank and free herself from the cuffs. Gratuitous voyeurism and woman is in contorted positions and camera captures tight shots of various nearly exposed body parts.

Second woman goes into tank with same results. Basically, a graphic peep show. Host jokes about skimpy bikinis.

Second sequence of contestants eating live stink beetles up to 24–one at a time. “Crunchy, felt legs move around in my mouth, juices, secretions, stink, the worst thing I have ever tasted.” After eating, sticks out tongue and camera shows beetle legs still on the tongue.

Female contestant, before eating beetles, jokes she “loves secretions” referring to oral sex. Host says, “Hey, this is a family show.”

Third segment. Hundreds of cow eyeballs put into a slime-filled vat that also has 10 pig hearts. The contestants must dunk their head in the tub, find, and pick up the pig hearts with their teeth. We also have a peep show here as the camera does obvious tight shows on the women’s breasts as they bend over the tub with their bikini tops. One woman, asked about her make-up before going into the vat said, “I don’t give a shi….crap about my make-up." All contestants struggle to pick up pig's hearts with their teeth--like bobbing for apples. Very gross and degenerate.

Local Advertisers: KSL News, Bud Lite, Murray Auto Row, KSL News.

If you are offended by what you just read, use our Action Now automated email technology to send letters of concern to NBC/KSL-TV Executives and NBC/KSL-TV Local Advertisers.

If you would like to call KSL to express your concern here's the number: 1-801-575-5555. Ask for Bruce Reese or Bruce Christensen.


Whoopi (7:00 PM)
Courtney’s girlfriend Rita discovers that Courtney had had sex with Mavis’s (Whoopi) former singing partner Florence (a Diana Ross take-off) at Whoopi’s house once on Thanksgiving. Whoopi said that as Florence left she thanked Courtney for the “stuffing.” Rita was upset when she found out but Whoopi told her “You were still dodging spermacide” (not born yet) when it happened. Rita complained to Courtney “All you want is booty.”

Whoopi says Florence did the “nasty” with a music director to get a job.

Whoopi meets a homeless bi-sexual woman who says to her: “I’m no lesbo but even I wouldn’t mind being the marshmallow in that hot cocoa.”

Whoopi asked a female friend if she still had the thigh exerciser. She said, “No, he moved to Cleveland.”

Whoopi accused Florence of “trying to bang the doctor” and said that Florence was on the bus doing the “nasty” with the bus driver.

If you are offended by what you just read, use our Action Now automated email technology to send letters of concern to NBC/KSL-TV Executives and NBC/KSL-TV Local Advertisers.

If you would like to call KSL to express your concern here's the number: 1-801-575-5555. Ask for Bruce Reese or Bruce Christensen.

Las Vegas 8:00pm
Show starts with bikini and g-string-clad women lying on pool-side lounge chairs being misted by man with misting wand. Tight shots of rear ends, crotches, breasts and a few bare butts.

Scene at craps table. Man rolls dice. One lands in woman’s cleavage. She pulls die out of bra –tight shot of breasts – man thinks it represents good luck. Woman wiggles her breasts.

Drunk man at blackjack table says “I want to have sex with an alien.”

College girls clad in bikinis and g-strings romp through casino—they invite security man into their room for some “fun.”

James Caan, the star of show, uses pretty foul language:
                  “You find that son-of-a-bitch –you find that son-of-a-bitch,”
                   “I’m going to kill that son-of-a-bitch.”
                   “Rat bastard”

Danny, hotel security executive, pays visit to Las Vegas Traffic Control. He is greeted by big-chested traffic control woman at desk. He flirts with her. She asks him if he remembered taking a shower with her. Danny says he has taken so many showers with so many women that he can't remember them all. She said they showered together in gym – when she was a he. She explains she had a sex change operation. Offers to show Danny her breasts saying "it's not a sexual thing."

James Caan takes man to desert to kill him. Caan brutally kicks man, has him strip, points gun at his head, orders him to dig his own grave with his own hands, fires gun at his head but gun is empty.

Back to poolside bikinis, thongs, tight shots on sweaty breasts, crotches, one woman standing in pool fondling/massaging her own breasts.

Break for KSL-News Commercial plus other local commercials.

Back to pool again with more gratuitous sexy bodies – crotches, g-strings and finally tight shot on man’s hairy crotch. Man turns away from camera and you see his naked rear end with only a scant thong covering.

Theme song. Elvis Presley’s “A Little Less Conversation”

A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation ain’t satisfying me
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark
Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me
Satisfy me baby

Local Sponsors: RC Willey, KSL-News (four ads) Roberts Crafts.

If you are offended by what you just read, use our Action Now automated email technology to send letters of concern to NBC/KSL-TV Executives and NBC/KSL-TV Local Advertisers.

If you would like to call KSL to express your concern here's the number: 1-801-575-5555. Ask for Bruce Reese or Bruce Christensen.


When KSL is free from the network to choose its own programming, here's an example of what it deems to be appropriate for the Salt Lake market.

Suddenly Susan: (Locally Contracted/Syndicated Non-Network Show)
One of Susan’s workers says he is invited to a party with 8 women – thinking that the women will have sex with him. Joke about a golf cart used by rock ban Guns and Roses used for a sexual “foursome.” Co-worker asked eightsome man if he could if he could participate in the eightsome. “There’s only room for one rooster in this hen house.” Response” “Go pluck yourself.”

“How was your night?” “Fantastic. Eight gorgeous women and me. I was like a bowl.” (He actually went to a Tupperware party with eight women thinking they were there to have sex with him).

“You spent $800 and all you got was Tupperware?” “Wrong, I got a bra!” “Was it a cup or strap/” “Strap….”

“Booze makes it easier for me to score.” “I wish someone would go through my drawers because I’m lonely.”

Local Advertisers : KSL News, John T. Evans, Attorney, Utah College of Massage Therapy, Nuttall & Brown Attorneys, GM Guy Jerry Seiner, Robert J. Debry, Siegfried & Jensen, KSL News.

If you are offended by what you just read, use our Action Now automated email technology to send letters of concern to NBC/KSL-TV Executives and NBC/KSL-TV Local Advertisers.

If you would like to call KSL to express your concern here's the number: 1-801-575-5555. Ask for Bruce Reese or Bruce Christensen.


Conan O’Brien
Monologue:

Pair of boxer shorts worn by JFK sold at auction for $5,000. A bra worn by Ted kennedy sold for $5,000.

Language: “What the hell was that…what the hell was that.” “You cheap bastard.”

In routine Conan says Max, the drummer’s wife, had sex in front of Max with her boyfriend. “At least I have a wife with a boyfriend instead of a boyfriend with a wife.”

Guest actor Joaquin Phoenix. Say the “s” word twice. Bleeped out. Conan says, “We can can do anything we want…we rule the night.”

Homosexual comedian/actor Scott Thompson: Drips water on his shirt and says “now I can show off my nipple…my nipple talks.”

Wiping water off table Thompson says, referring to sex, “I love repetitive movement.”

Thompson says a lot of his ex-boyfriends are journalists. Talks about boyfriend journalists. He claims, James Rumsfield had sex with him. He say’s that Rumsfield’s a “bottom”—referring to gay terminology for the “woman” in the relationship. Said Rumsfield is going to get mad and call to say that he is a “top.”

Thompson says he was accused of sexually harassing an actress. For touching her “bong” – a Canadian term for what American’s call her “ass.” To Canadians, the term “ass” means the inside of the rear-end “It’s not an ass in Canada unless, after you put your fingers in it and they come out warm” –referring to homosexual sexual behavior.

Local Advertisers: Biccardi Rum, KSL News, R-Rated Movie “In the Cut,” The GM Guy Jerry Seiner, KSL News, University of Utah, Henry Day Ford, Nuttall & Brown Attorneys.
   

The Tonight Show
Monologue:
Ohio couple arrested for running a prostitution ring at junkyard. Can you imagine doing it in a junkyard? Not only do you have to worry about gonorrhea, you have to worry about tetanus.

Headlines: “Manden fire chief hangs up his hose” …’If you want to brag (referring to the man’s penis size) a family newspaper isn’t the place.”

Norm McDonald Interview:
“The problem I have with sex …to much of the same thing…I can’t get into it.”

Weight lifting not like sex. They don’t bring you a heavier lady each time–referring to gradually adding more weight to a workout routine.

 Local Advertisers: Romano’s Macaroni Grill, RC Willey, KSL Radio, Romano’s Macaroni Grill,Chuck-A-Rama, Deseret News, KSL-TV, KSL News, Deseret News, Harmon’s Grocery,The GM Guy Jerry Seiner.

Jillian Barberi Interview:
Actress comes out in extremely low cut midriff pants low cut blouse –basically a bra. She complains all Leno talks about is sex. She talks about Playboy Magazine models wearing vaginal wigs to cover up their shaved or ‘waxed” vaginas so the pictures will not show vaginal detail.

Radio Music Awards (8:00 PM)
Basic music show with a lot of skimpy clothes some profanity-laced, sexually charged rapper lyrics. Opening number female singer wearing sequined bra and panties blatantly simulating sexual movements – spreading her legs with not subtle hip thrusts. Sexual inferences obvious. In fact, after the number the host said that he still hasn’t recovered from the singer “shaking that jelly here on stage.” This is the program that was the first to introduce the "f" word into network television.


KSL Mid-Morning "Ali & Jack" "Infected" With the "P-Virus" Non-network, KSL selected show.
Now it's spreading from prime-time and late night programming into KSL's mid-morning schedule. "Living It Up with Ali & Jack" (10 AM M-F) is a syndicated talk show purchased and broadcast by KSL. I thought the mornings were clean until I caught Ali & Jack for the first time today.

The show's opening segment was a graphic discussion about junior high school kids in England taking Viagara. The two joked about these young kids walking around with erections. Ali said, "Why do they need viagara when they have Victoria's Secret?" Ali says "Now they have balls!" Jokes continue about erections throughout the segment. Ali then talks about aphrodisiacs --eating three dozen oysters, bull's testicles-- and cross dressers.


Scrubs (7:30 PM)
An intern recalls having permanent marker spots on his face and was relieved not to have his face fixed with "skin from my ass."

Mostly profanity:
"Where the hell are my interns." "Lame ass post-ops --shape the hell up."

A joke about circumcision or lack of it in a newborn: "Why doesn't his wee-wee have a turtleneck like his."

A doctor tells a 5-year-old boy: "There's nothing wrong that you play with it -- just take a break for meals."

Another doctor asks about the boy: "Does he eat his poop and pee?"

"You son-of-aitch." "You better see my son now or I'm going to kick your ass."

Woman says "He's a giant pain in my ass."

"Be nice to the teacher because I'm sleeping with her."

"Rat bastard."

"Kick him in the crotch, dammit, the crotch."

"Can you walk my dog tonight while I have casual sex."

Local Advertisers: KSL News


Will & Grace (8:00 PM)
Top rated show about two homosexual lovers (Will & Jack) and their mutual female friend Grace.

Jack gets part in a play with James Earl Jones "The Ice Man Cometh." Jokes about "coming" or ejaculating.

Jones says he has won two Tony awards which are in his dressing room. Jack says, "I've also had two Tonies (referring to having sex with men)--also in Jones' dressing room.

Grace is going through a workout at the gym and says "Come on, I didn't even need this muscle for sex."

Will tries to hook up with another gay man at the gym but his mother, who is there with him, keeps interrupting.

Jack tries to train Jones to talk like a woman. "Your voice is fine for a lesbian but not for a man."

An actress in the play comments, ""I'm still on a high from my Monistat 7 (female yeast infection medicine) call back."

Jack and Jones act out scene from "Sex and the City." 'Jack says, 'I don't know what to do or who to do."

A commercial runs for next week's episode of Whoopi. "Why are men so hung up on (penis ) size?...I was doing all the work (during sex)...Then who was slapping your behind?"

Local Advertisers: KSL-News, Book of Mormon Movie, Texas Chain Saw Massacre, KSL High School Focus, Deseret Industries, Meier & Frank, KSL News, another R-rated movie "so sexy you'll forget how to breathe."

ER (9:00)
Show starts with man and woman in hotel room. Woman strips down to bra, man mounts woman on bed, begins to make love ...Still can't figure out what it had to do with the plot.

Profanity "asshole."

Show mostly focused on graphic emergency room gore. Very informing but bloody.

The Tonight Show (10:30 PM)
Tonight was a re-run called the "Gubernatorial Recall Special." where 70 candidates for California governor were in audience. Leno joked about porn star candidate Mary Kerry, "I thought she brought along her favorite sex toy, turned out to be Gary Coleman (a very short actor and candidate).

"The LA City Council banned lap dancing (audience boos). You'll never have another Democratic convention in this town."

"Researchers giving Viagara to athletes. You thought it was exciting when they won a race by a nose?"

Talking about porn candidate Mary Kerry: "The only hole in the ballot that's already been punched."

A segment featuring Ross the Gay Intern:
Video clip of Ellen Degeneres (lesbian comedian) kissing woman on the lips.

Man comments to Ross: "You need to continue to kiss Jay Len's ass." Ross responds, "I don't kiss anyone's ass."

Interview with Robert Downy Jr.
"This state needs an enema." "Do you want me to pee in a tub?" "Did you screw Molly Ringwald?"

Local Advertisers: KSL News, RC Willey, Gardner Village, KSL News, Chuck-A-Rama, Ogden Carpet, Larry H. Miller, Tim Dahle Infinity, Rocky Anderson, RC Willey


Late Night With Conan O'Brien (12:00 AM)
Monologue: "Demi Moore spotted giving (unintelligible name) a time-out (oral sex).

New campaign slogan for George Bush since Richard Gebhardt dropped out of presidential race "I ain't got dick."

Interview with Martin Lawrence comedian:

"Miami is hot --all the asses --women wearing thongs."

Conan asks Lawrence for marriage and lovemaking advice. (Paraphrase: "Keep your relationship strong with a lot of sex. How do you keep the loving going after years with the same woman. No talking during sex, just a lot of moaning. But you can ask questions. I like music in the background --helps you work on your moves. When they want it fast, you change the music." Lawrence demonstrates sex technique moves for Conan. Conan imitates moves.

Segment called "Cloppy the Late Night Horse."
Cloopy thinks he's killed the farmer and farmer's wife with a gun. Referring to the wife he says "I shot that bitch." He actually shot blanks. He told farmer's wife that the farmer was cheating on her by having sex with the sheep. She says she will take Cloppy out to stud --with her.

Next Interview Mandy Moore. Young woman in exceedingly short dress -- climbs up to her crotch when she sits down -- audience whistles. She says she in in movie with nudity but doesn't appear nude -- she has a "butt double." "How do you choose a butt double," Conan asks. She explains the process of looking at dozens of photos of nude women to determine whose "butt" is more like her's.

Conan call his penis "Bessie Lou" during interview with sportscaster. They talk about sportscasters going to the bathroom while they broadcast sporting events since the camera is on the action on the field.

Local Advertisers: Utah College of Massage Therapy, Robert's Crafts, KSL News, KSL News.


Tuesday was a relatively clean day for KSL when it came to sexual content, profanity and violence. Or was it? Perhaps, after watching so much TV in the past few days I am becoming desensitized and am just getting used to it. Well here goes.

Tonight’s local advertisers were: Les Schwab Tires, Mark Miller Toyota, Murray Auto Row, KSL-News (8 ads) , Meier-Frank, Larry H. Miller, RC Willey (4 ads) , Robert J. DeBry, Chuck-A-Rama, Rocky Anderson, Zions Insurance, Tim Dahle Infinity, Siegfried & Jensen, Bear Creek Kitchens, Nuttall & Brown Attorney (2 ads), John Evans Attorney, Injury Institute, Utah Power,Civilization, Mike Hale Acura.

Happy Family (7:30 PM)
Story about a family whose teenage son, Tim, moves in with the divorcee next door, Maggie, a woman twice his age. Maggie tells Tim that when they went to the store to buy condoms together a lady thought it was sweet that Maggie was buying condoms for her son. Tim said that’s why she should use the pill. The show ends with Tim telling Maggie “Let’s go upstairs and have sex.”

National Advertisers: Philip Morris, Chili's, Ford, Dunkin Donuts

Frasier (8:00 PM)
Roz tells Frasier she once had a boyfriend who named his penis “little bald….” Roz asks a man to take his hands out of his pocket when he speaks to her –referring to the man playing with himself.

Niles admits he had sex with his brother Frasier’s ex-wife Lillith– a one night stand when Niles was drunk.

Good Morning Miami (8:30 PM)
Employee referring to new network executive at TV station, “It’s been a while since she has had anything in her box” referring to her vagina and having sex. 

Cooking show TV host gives directions for recipe, “Quick, easy, and over before you know it…sound familiar ladies?”

Female morning show host said she won a “hot body” contest. She said her secret was “ice cubes” referring to getting her nipples cold so they would stick out.

One of the characters talks about his high school math teacher being a “wildly unconventional lover.”

A few jokes made about a “cap in your ass.”

At the end of the show, one of the male characters was praised for doing something brave. “I believe I just heard the tiny clink of a testicle descending.”

National Advertisers: AOL 9

The Tonight Show (10:30 PM)
One of the cleanest shows –perhaps because they had a group of 12 year-old performers.

Monologue: The difference between General Clark and Bill Clinton? Clark knows how to control his privates.

Man in Kenya cuts off his genital to get even with his cheating wife.

Wisconsin female prison guard arrested for bribing male prisoners with candy to have sex with her. “You know she has to be really ugly to bribe prisoners to have sex with her.”

A segment of “Roadside Attractions” features a large billboard/statue of a “masturbating clown” in New Jersey. Kevin Smith, the host, talks about always wanting to “be up on a couple of twins.” Shows a carnival freak putting a condom in his nose and having it come out through his mouth.

Singer and guest Boy George asks Leno what astrological sign he was. Leno answers, I’m a feces.” Boy George is truly shocked and says, “I can’t believe you said that.”

During music portion of show, rock band of 12-year olds sings song that has chorus in which the kids all yell “kick some ass.”

National Advertisers: Les Schwab, Meier-Frank, Drexel Heritage,

Suddenly Susan: (11:30 PM)
Show starts with Susan announcing to her lover/boss so all can hear “You can’t fire me because I’m sleeping with the boss.”

Susan and her lover go away for their first romantic weekend together. The show is about how their good time together gets interrupted . At the house where they are staying, a 12-year old boy comes in door, sees Susan and lover and says “Who the hell are you?’

Susan, her lover, the boy and 10-year old girl play Scrabble. The boy spells out the word “boner.” !2-year old boy announces he wants to have sex with Susan.

Little girl calls Susan and lover “fornicators” after she discovers them as they are about to have sex.

Susan says she doesn’t want to end up being on a Greyhound bus being fondled by a guy named Dick.

When Susan and lover arrive back at her apartment she says to him “Let’s celebrate with 12 uninterrupted hours on my new mattress.”

Show ends with 2 male employees exposing their buttocks.

Late Night with Conan: (12:00 AM)
Monologue. Clinton is concerned that Bush is erasing his accomplishments. Bush said all he did was steam clean the rug in the Oval Office.

During funny ad segment Conan shows ad spoof about a storage shed where the ad says, “The best place to keep your bisexual son.”

Dirty Demon Ad: Twice the suction power of your husband’s personal trainer” referring to homosexual oral sex. The audience groans, Conan apologizes, saying that it was “bad” or tasteless.

During animal routine Conan is playing with a monkey. He says” I’m ready to get it on with any monkey.”

With that, I had had enough, and shut down for the evening.


Late Night with Conan O’Brien (12:00 AM)
Totally gross tonight. KSL-TV News was one of biggest local advertisers.

Monologue: Conan starts out by saying the “band is stoned.” Talks about 1960’s stoners Cheech & Chong making a new movie. The crowd goes wild—showing support for drug lifestyle. Even Conan comments about audience's pro- Cheech & Chong/marijuana reaction.

Conan introduces new “Late Night Characters.” “Naked Tiny Tarzan” –naked man swings across screen three times. Conan says Tarzan should cover up because he doesn’t have a lot to be proud of.

“Natasha the Bridesmaid with a History.” A bride and bridesmaid start making love, kissing, licking breasts, and going down below waist simulating oral sex.

“Vomiting Toilet” – Toilet that projectile vomits on drunk people who are ready to vomit in toilet. Toiletprojectile vomits.

Conan joked about VH1 World’s 200 most famous people. Jesus was #2. John Bobbitt (the man who had his penis cut off by his wife) was #1.

Guest John Leguizamo comedian shakes Conan’s hand. Conan comments on the strength of his handshake. Leguizamo says “I’ve spent a lot of time alone by myself.” – referring to masturbation.

He jokes about Conan walking into his dressing room in his shorts. Leguizamo told Conan he wasn’t interested and Conan begins to cry.

Conan shows film clip of Leguizamo in HBO movie “Undefeated.” F word bleeped out four times—almost bleeped out. Next was guest comedian Louis CK star of movie “Pootie-Tang” (slang for vagina). Conan says he loves saying the word “pootie-tang” -- “my favorite thing to say.” Louis CK’s stand-up summary:

I’m in a good mood because I had sex with my wife. We had a baby. My baby is stopping us from having sex. “My baby is a douche bag.” “I want sex so much that my penis cries” I try not to have orgasms too quickly. During orgasm women think of puppies men, to avoid ejaculating too soon, men think of Lisa Minnelli with diarrhea. “I think of fat women but still shoot rockets into my wife.” He says he named his new baby girl “Diarrhea Elbow Fart.”After routine, Conan congratulates him for being so funny and says he really likes to say “pootie-tang.”


 Suddenly Susan (11:30 PM)
Flashback to 1906 San Francisco. Brook Shield’s plays bar maid. Caruso, the great tenor, is coming to hear barroom singer. Singer passes out when the Smith’s Brothers give her a cough drop. Shields volunteers to sing for Caruso. She goes into her number, strips down to her pantaloons, and gives a sensual, suggestive ‘Chicago” style dance performance (spreads legs on table, bouncing breasts, sexually suggestive hip movements and the splits).

Caruso likes her. Invites her to his hotel room. Outside the door, Shields hears Caruso with another woman. She walks in room. Caruso is trying to take off the corset of the other woman and complains about corsets. Caruso invites Shields for a threesome. Shields walks out and ends up marrying the barroom janitor who ends up inventing the inflatable sex doll.

Local Advertisers. Robert J. DeBry, RC Willey, KSL-News, Siegfried & Jensen.

The Tonight Show (10:30 PM)
The cleanest Tonight Show we've ever seen. Perhaps because there was a 7-year-old piano prodigy as a guest. Only a few instances of vulgarity:

(1) New Bill Clinton cookbook called “Hey, How About a Little Pork,” referring to Clinton’s penis. A recipe in the book is “Won Ton Soup for a Won Ton Intern.”

(2) Viagara research on athletes –“As if the Bengals need something else to trip over.”

(3) Museum of Sex, New York Study: How women can impress men at restaurant. Woman goes into restroom, remove her panties, and drops them on her man’s plate. Leno says works only for young women. If married for 15 years man complains that his wife’s panties wrecked his steak dinner.

During Drew Barrymore interview, she shows Leno picture of man with blue teeth. Leno says, "It looks like he’s been drinking out of an airplane toilet."

Barrymore shows Leno a picture of a dog and Leno says, “She’s a real bitch.”

Local Advertisers: RC Willey, KSL News, Hertz Utah, America First Credit Union, Smiths, Larry Miller Toyota, Rocky Anderson, St. Marks Hospital.

Fear Factor (7:00 PM)
Really gross show with sexual innuendo (skimpy shorts, bikinis, see through t-shirts, etc) and sick stunts.

The first stunt was having contestants (three girls in skimpy bikinis) hold on to ski bar and pulled over water by helicopter. All three of the girls bottoms fall off.

The second stunt was putting cow eye balls into mouth, biting into eyeball until it breaks, then draining the fluid into a glass container, filling the container to the top and then drinking the fluid. See detail below from the NBC site about the cow eyeball stunt.

Two Interesting Ads:
(1) Scary Movie III. Two women discussing all of the different places they have had sex.

(2) Bud Lite 12 Inch Weiner Ad. “The crowd cheered your 10 inch wiener…You said you could give them 2 more inches…thanks for giving us a bigger wiener – woman and man chowing down on one 12” wiener. Definitely phallic ad – no if’s, and’s or but’s about it.

Local Advertisers RC Willey, KSL NEWS


Overall, the Sunday night schedule was pretty calm with a minimum of sexual content, profanity, and violence.

American Dreams (7:00 PM)
Relatively benign except for one scene where an engaged couple (J. J.& Beth) were in bed in their undies. Beth was straddling JJ (who was on bottom) as a preamble to intercourse.

Law & Order Criminal Intent (8:00 PM)
Again, relatively benign. No sexual situations, one graphic scene of a murdered man with a bashed in skull and one profanity “bastards.”

 

Lyon’s Den (9:00 PM)
Little racier than the other two programs but relatively clean compared to other NBC fare. Mostly profanity (“pig’s ass,” “whoop your ass,” “you son-of-a-bitch—go to hell.” Two of the attorney characters are having an affair. A client asks the male attorney, after seeing the attorney’s lover, “you tapping her?

Local Advertisers: Zion’s Bank. Ogio, Qwest, Roberts Crafts, KSL-News.


The Tonight Show
Leno starts monologue with joke about Bill Clinton being happy that silicon breast implants being approved by government. Leno jokes about masturbation, oral sex ('Hummer), decline of pornography in LA -- moving to Utah because of Internet, and condoms.

Showed video clip of man mooning a newscaster in a bar (full rear nudity). Talked about popularity of women wearing tattoos on "butts" with "objects are smaller than they appear" tattooed on butt. Also talked about women with low sex drive taking testosterone and demanding sex from men "come on, let's do it. let's do it now!!"

On "Idiots of Day" segment a woman said her "ass" was so big that she couldn't get out of a car. A man told his story and Leno told him "someone will take pity on you and have sex with you.

Guest Will Ferrell was pretty clean with only a reference to having a threesome.

Guest Joe Rogin, host of NBC's "Fear Factor" and "The Man Show" was really gross. Talked about people eating animal penises, showed a video of a woman eating a large spider, and talked about a contest in which men's penises were hooked up to an erection meter, naked women paraded in front of them, fondling their penises, etc, to see who could go the longest without getting an erection.

Local Advertisers: Maaco, Hertz.Utah, Deseret First Credit Union, RC Willey, Men's Warehouse, Lapoint Ford.

National Advertisers: Men's Warehouse, Carnival Cruise Lines, Red Lobster, Toyota, Net Zero, State Farm, Digiorno Pizza, Rolaids, ATT Wireless, Mitsubishi, Luvs Diapers, Hertz, Maytag, VISA.
Suddenly Susan
Program begins with Susan finding her lover and boss Jack in bed with a fellow man employee. She is shocked. It is only a dream of the male employee. The show focuses on the employee's homosexual dreams about making love to his boss. A psychiatrist analyses the dreams as anger due to the fact that the boss refused to give him a "raise." The show ends with a "foursome" in bed (Susan, Jack, male and female employee).

Local Advertisers: Robert DeBry, Utah College of Massage Therapy, Lapoint Ford, Bear Creek Soups.

National Advertisers: Valtrex for Genital Herpes, First Response Pregnancy Test, Estrogen.


Late Night With Conan O'Brien
Conan starts out show saying "I'm feeling sexy." Talked about couple charged with prostitution ring working out of a junk yard. He joked, when someone asked for a $4 muffler they were told to pull down their pants. Joked about new Christmas song "The Little Drummer Boy Has a Nice Ass."

Conan said he spaced out, caught up in the "world of adult porn." Knocked over a microphone that landed in his lap and made joke about his "crotch." Men's underwear ad showing close-up of well-endowed man and quote "There's nothing brief about this guy." Ad for women's underwear "Man, I do like the black underwear on the ladies." Makes joke about Barbie and Ken dolls --Ken being a homosexual.

Guest David Arquette interview: Produces show with wife Courtney Cox "Mixing It Up." Talks about how he likes pimps dress and how to dress like a pimp. Talks about how he's proud that he has bigger feet than Liberace (referring to his penis size).

Carl's Jr. Ad: Sexy woman riding a mechanical bull -- simulating intercourse and climax--eating a messy hamburger.

After Arquette interview, Conan introduces the "masturbating bear" (person in bear costume with loin cloth) who is trying to last the show without masturbating. To tempt the bear into masturbating, video is shown of two real bears mounting and having sex, and then video of bear mounting and having sex with a zebra. Video doesn't get bear aroused until a man from the production crew bends over, tight shot of his rear end, and the bear begins to masturbate frantically.

Guest Gena Gershan interview: sexy woman walks out to stripper music. She talks about performing and having women taking off their tops. Conan talks about his breasts. -- not having breasts.

Local Advertisers: Steve Chapman Motors, Men's Warehouse, Friday's, Crown Bedrooms, Carpet Giant/Carpet One, Wendy's, Carl's Jr., BYU Football, Civilization, America's Best Eyeglasses, John Paras Furniture.

National Advertisers: Cheez-It, Digiorno Pizza, McDonalds, Kodak, Edge Gel, Campbells Soups, Glad Bags, Honda, Wendys, Capital One, Lean Cuisine, Gillett, Volkswagen, America's Best Eyewear.